I love to talk. More to the point, I love to be heard. It has been that way since I was young. I remember the one consistency on my
elementary school report cards was a check mark in the space designated for
those who had a problem with “talking in class.” Being heard, being visible, being
significant, has always been an important thing to me. It makes sense that I
chose to make a living in broadcasting. Being heard, being someone who matters,
important stuff.
Talking has served me well. I have been very lucky to put a
few meals on the family table through my abilities with the spoken word. As I grow older, however, I am finding more
and more that being heard, being noticed, talking…is overrated. Sure, it is nice to have a voice, and my
voice, like any other, has a right make itself heard. But now I am beginning to really understand
that there is something much more important to a life of meaning than being
heard; and that is hearing. More to the
point, listening.
Hearing is involuntary. If you have working ears, you
hear. That is why I don’t like the term
“selective hearing.” I prefer the term “selective listening.” We live in a
world where we hear lots of things, but we control what we listen to. I call it
the “earbud effect.” With a pair of
earbuds we can essentially tune out the entire world and listen to only that
which gives us satisfaction and comfort.
That is dangerous, not because it might damage our ears (this is not
really about earbuds, after all), but rather because it keeps us from experiencing
and considering the voices of those with whom we might not agree, or those that
make us uncomfortable.
“The most basic of
all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to
understand people is to listen to them.”
--Ralph G. Nichols
We used to debate, and it was good! The reason was we
listened to one another. Yes, I wanted
you to hear what I had to say, to understand my feelings, but I was willing to
listen to you and consider your feelings as well. Where has that gone? Now instead of debating we argue, and the
point is no longer to judge ideas based on their own merit but to win a
shouting contest.
This mindset has polluted everything from politics to
religion and dominates pop culture. We
have become so afraid of being wrong, of being seen as the loser, we won’t even
allow for the possibility that someone who opposes us could actually have good
ideas. We stopped listening.
I find it amazing that great minds throughout history valued
listening over talking, have learned more from their failures than their
success and yet we continue to define our personal value by the sharpness of
our tongues and the wars we win, however petty those may be.
One of the reasons I was interested in writing here was the
idea that this would be a site where opposing viewpoints could co-exist in an
atmosphere of civil discourse. I have
opinions. I am not a fence sitter, but I don’t want to sit so far on one side
of the fence that I have no clue what is happening on the other. After all, the
grass could very well be greener over there.
We have two ears, one mouth. I believe that is intentional.
It’s my goal to learn more than I teach, to listen more than I talk, and to be
smarter tomorrow than I am today. Feel free to chime in, I am listening.
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