April 1st came and went uneventfully again this
year. None of my friends attempted to
pull an April Fools prank on me. No one ever does. I would like to say the
reason I don’t get pranked has to do with my incredible ability to smell a rat,
or the fear of what dastardly shenanigans I might return to them as a form of
retribution. Alas, no. It is has more to do with the fact that pranking me is
too easy, and there is no payoff because I just have no enthusiasm, positively
or negatively, for the art of the prank. Allow me to explain.
It started when I was ten.
It was approaching Christmas and I was certain beyond any doubt that I
was going to be receiving an Atari 2600 game system. I had stacked the deck in
favor of this since it was the only thing I asked (begged) for and since I was
the last kid on the block to have one. I figured I was due. My lobbying effort, along with a little tear
of wrapping paper and a quick peek at the biggest box under the tree, convinced
me I was right. Did I get a little
arrogant? It’s possible. Did I strut
around the house singing an annoying made up song about getting an Atari? Most definitely.
The big day arrives and I confidently rip away the wrapping
paper concealing my long awaited prize.
The box is glorious, the Atari 2600 on the top, a picture of plastic
perfection. A huge, smug smile on my
face as I open the box and empty the contents to reveal…rocks. ROCKS!! A sane, logical boy would surely have
realized that a prank was in the offing.
No mother would go through the trouble of finding the box of the one
thing her son so desperately wanted, fill that box with rocks, and present it to
him on Christmas day. Unfortunately, my
little boy brain lacked that logic. In
my mind I imagined my mom going to the store, purchasing the Atari, making her
way over to the poor side of town, giving the contents of the Atari box to some
less fortunate child, a boy who would be grateful for this Christmas miracle,
then bringing the box home, filling it with rocks, and giving it to me in order
to teach me a lesson! I began bawling.
I melted down like Velveeta in a microwave.
My mom, and my step-sister, who was in on the gag too, began bawling. They started throwing other presents at me
and yelling for me to open them. It was
the Atari. Every piece boxed individually.
They explained that they knew I had been sneaking around the tree and
had already figured out what I was getting so they thought it would be funny to
see my face when I opened the box and it wasn’t there. Wasn’t very funny was it Ma?
Four years later I got my first job bussing tables part-time
at a Mexican food restaurant. After my
first shift ends the guys in the kitchen tell me they have something for
me. Apparently it is customary for the
cook to make a meal for a new employee at the end of his first shift. The sour cream chicken enchiladas looked
appetizing, and the first bite wasn’t bad.
On the second bite I noticed something was off. Out of politeness I tried another, that’s
when it occurred to me that these enchiladas reminded me of the time I got
punished for saying dirty words. Yes,
the “chef” had filled the tortillas with soap, not chicken. Hilarious…the
entire staff got a really good laugh out of it but I did not get it. Not because I was the victim and not because
I was embarrassed, I just thought it was mean.
Why do we love to laugh at someone else’s misery? The awkwardness, the brief moment of panic,
the kick in the groin, I know it’s a temporary pain and in the long run
hopefully everyone, including the victim, is able to laugh about it, but it
just makes me very uncomfortable. I am pretty sure I am in the minority on this. Pranks have probably been around as long as
we have and April fool’s day pranks can be documented back to the Middle Ages. I was bombarded on Tuesday via social media
with announcements of fake firings, fake resignations, fake engagements, and
fake divorces. Of course companies did what companies always do, turn any minor
holiday into a marketing bonanza, so I also was introduced to fake new
products, fake mergers and other assorted fakeness that just made me tired.
Honestly, I love to laugh. I think I have a good sense of
humor. I just find that most April
fool’s related humor falls into two categories; either it lacks imagination, or
it is cruel, and in the worst cases it is both. Maybe you have a different opinion. If so I
would love to hear it. Just don’t wrap
my car in foil because that is a waste of good aluminum.
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